I need a bike

I thought Id get a bike today. I see everyone riding around in the sun and I’m jealous, besides I need the exercise. The problem is their so damn expensive nowadays for a good one. I had one before, but a car hit me and mangled it…

On a dark moonlit summers night a silver Austin-martin sped across the country roads of Tabootown County. I was ridding with the famous spy, James Blond, who had inexplicitly hit me while I was biking off the county road, even if it looked like I had aimed at a fancy car in hopes of an insurance settlement, he still felt obligated to offer me a ride home.
“Is this a spy car?” I asked excitedly.
“Yes it is.”
“What’s this cigarette lighter do?” I wondered and pressed it.
“Oh good Lord!” James bellowed, “Don’t do that!”
“Why not?” I looked around to see what may have activated. “What’s it do?”
“Nothing” James shook his head, “but it’s a bloody waste of the lighters heating coil ya know! This is an Austin-martin not a Toyota!”

We drove quietly for a few more miles, and then my eye caught a glimpse of a small red button on the consol. I tried to resist, I really did. I thought ‘No don’t touch that’ to myself over and over, resisting the urge with all my might, then pressed it.

“Oh Bloody Hell!” James screamed out at my accidental Button pushing.
“It wasn’t me!” I defended, “why what’s that do?”
“It calls my mother-in-law! Now sit still oaf!”
“I’m sorry” I apologized then pressed the blue button and launched an enormous missile from the headlamp which thundered across the sky and blew a massive oak into tinsy tinsy pieces.
“I know what THAT does” I joked. James did not appear amused.

Suddenly out from nowhere, well actually from behind us, a black sedan appeared and sped up along side of us. It’s rear window lowered and a stubby Chinese guy hurled his hat out the window at me. It smashed by window and embedded itself right into the metal door frame.
“Look out!” James said, “Get down!”
“No worries James ol Pal” I said, “I’ll take care of him” I offered, then hurled my toque out the window at the car. It fell on the Chinese mans face and as he struggled with its enormous pompom I threw my wool mitts at the driver, one of which wedged in his naval cavity causing him to loose control, and their car suddenly blew up.

James was impressed, “Good job” he offered.
“Can I press a button now?” I asked.
“Sure, go ahead”.
I looked around and took aim at a pretty green button, and quickly pressed it before James changed his mind.

Right well now I understand that horrified look on his face when I pressed it, but James didn’t have a chance to say anything as he was accidentally propelled from the cars sunroof, ironically just as we drove under a massive tree with a thick branch hanging over the road.

Anyway, Austin-Martin 4 sale. Silver, 2 door. Exc condition, passenger hat included, drivers seat extremely adjustable. Will trade 4 good bike.